


my salvation

by littlebravelarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Child Abuse, Depression, Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Self Confidence Issues, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-17
Updated: 2014-02-22
Packaged: 2018-01-12 20:07:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1197840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlebravelarry/pseuds/littlebravelarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Besides. I, your official boyfriend as of last summer, have every right to be worried about my beautiful yet frighteningly small boyfriend," he raises an eyebrow, tone easy and light.</p>
<p>"Oh please," Louis rolls his eyes, "don't lie to me. The halls are trembling with every step I take."</p>
<p>(AU: Louis' life goes wrong in every possible way but Harry is always there to pick him up.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> hiya, this is my first story and im really nervous lol idk if i want to continue this with more chapters but leave a kudos or a comment if you liked it! :)

Louis hates being in public. He goes bright red when the side of his arse brushes against a random person, the jolt of the crowded bus making him grip onto the handle above his head tighter as he flails around slightly. He thinks the person he had accidentally touched is an elderly lady but he’s too shy to turn around and apologise and instead just stares down at his feet as he hears her mumble under her breath. He doesn’t care much for the lady, more so for the fact that the mere brush makes him feel as if the chubbiness on his body is pouring out from the seams of his jeans. He shouldn’t take up so much room.

He stumbles to the front of the bus before it even has a chance to stop, barely letting out a quiet ‘thank you’ as he steps off of it only to be shoved out of the way by the onslaught of fellow students pouring out after him. He nervously tugs down the hem of his sweater and lets out a shaky breath, wiping his sweaty palms on the fabric before carefully side stepping the chatting teens.

This is Louis’ fourth year in high school, but it feels like the tenth. He goes through the same routine every year, eyes scanning out over crowds and crowds of teenagers while he stands, lonely in his baggy sweater and wellies by the side. He’s okay with that, though, because he hears snippets of their conversations and he’s not too sure he’d want to be friends with people like that anyway. He’s known them for four years and none of them have changed.

When he feels another shove to his shoulder he finally starts to move, a small scowl on his face as he pushes through the teens with an annoyed huff. His wellies make disgusting squelching noises when he takes his first steps into the school, staring at the mud-ridden marble floors in distaste before moving to the side and making him as small as possible. He really does hate it here, he thinks, until he catches sight of familiar boots down the hall and smiles a little.

His salvation. Harry.

He can't help but let his smile tug wider at his lips as he picks up his pace, sliding a little against the wet floor but continuing through the people all the while staring at the tall boy who still hadn't looked his way. He opens his mouth to call out Harry's name but he doesn't want to draw attention to himself so he just balls his hands into fists excitedly, his jumper tucked into the middle of them. 

"Harry," he says quietly as he finally reaches him, his eyes wide and shiny when he reaches out with a fist and rests his hand on Harry's stomach, letting out a shaky breath. He bites his lip as he smiles even more and slides his hand up his chest, laughing quietly and throwing his arms around the other boy.

Harry stays still for a moment and breathes Louis in, his hands resting gently against Louis' waist before moving to wrap around him, pulling him closer in a tight hug. Louis shines even brighter. "Always late, huh?" he breathes out quietly against Louis' hair before laughing quietly into him. "Relax. We saw each other last week," he murmurs, although he really just wants to hug Louis forever.

"A week is too long," Louis mumbles defiantly into Harry's shoulder, his lips pressed to the fabric and his eyes closing briefly. "I'd like to give you a kiss but, you know. Judgemental pricks and whatnot," he grumbles quietly, shaking his head. Harry only laughs louder, which makes Louis huff.

"Still hate everybody in this school?" he asks with a hint of amusement in his tone, although he knows it's only fair for Louis to be bitter about these people. They are, of course, the people who teased him throughout his second year. He smiles a little wider when he feels Louis nod into his neck. "Well, that's okay. We don't have to talk to the rest of the school, do we? There's only you, me, Zayn, Perrie -"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know the names of our friends you stupid twat," Louis interrupts in a fond tone, pulling away and reaching up to fix Harry's fringe with a contemplative look. "Did you get a haircut? I swear to god, you  _know_ I expect at least three snapchats when you do something different with your look," he sighs as if he's dealing with a child. 

Harry rolls his eyes and wraps his fingers around Louis' wrist, raising an eyebrow. "May as well install some cameras into my bedroom," he murmurs with a small smirk, his gaze trailing down to where he was holding Louis' wrist. "Speaking of cuts," he says quietly and reaches his other hand up, his fingertips brushing against the end of Louis' sleeve.

Louis' arm is yanked out of Harry's grip faster than he can blink, his face dropping visibly as he takes a small step away from Harry. He shoots him a warning look and then clenches his jaw, looking down at his shoes.

"That answers all my questions, you know that?"

"Shut up, no it doesn't," he shot back and closed his eyes as he let out a quiet sigh. "Don't you trust me, Harry?  _Jesus_ , I'm not fourteen anymore, I know how to fucking handle my problems without slitting my wrists,' he hisses up at his boyfriend who only gives him an unamused look. "You're awful. And paranoid. Paranoid and awful," he sighs softly and hesitates before reaching and taking Harry's hand. "Believe me when I say I'm okay, yeah? Things are better at home. I'm... I feel better. School is better. Everything's better, and I would rather you not bring up everything in my past."

Harry lets out a heavy, tired breath. "Jesus, Lou, simmer down. It's only the first day of school, don't get so upset," he says quietly and squeezes Louis' smaller hand gently, tugging him down the hall. "Besides. I, as your official boyfriend as of last summer, have every right to be worried about my beautiful yet frighteningly small boyfriend," he raises an eyebrow, tone easy and light.

"Oh please," Louis rolls his eyes, "don't lie to me. The halls are trembling with every step I take."

"Ah, see. That's the stuff that gets me worried," Harry half jokes and shakes his head as he glances over at Louis quickly. "I love you," he says quietly.

Louis only gives him a small smile and stops in front of his form class. "I'll see you later, stud."

 

 

 

By the time Louis sees Harry at first break, he knows Harry has forgotten all about what may or may not be hiding under Louis' jumper sleeves. He finds the boy in their usual spot under the large willow trees, sitting on one of the stumps as the soil is only half dry from the few hours of sunshine they've gotten. He's chatting animatedly to their mutual friend Liam, probably about something in his PE class as he sees Harry mock the actions of jogging.

"Liam looks bored," he teases as he sets himself down beside Harry, cocking his head and placing a hand on Harry's thigh to stop him from making anymore silly gestures. "Although, he's awfully kind to sit here and put up with you."

Liam looks like he's about to apologise, his cheeks a soft pink before Harry interrupts him. "I'll have you know, mister, I had him engrossed in every little detail of my story," he raises an eyebrow and leans forward to place a small kiss onto Louis' lips. They're away from the other kids so he's sure they won’t throw any apples at his baby. Although he still isn't sure whether Louis is cutting again, he still wants to make sure the other boy isn't feeling even half as bad as he was a few years ago when he had first come out.

"Mm, right," Louis dismisses carelessly and takes out a sandwich from his bag, unravelling the paper and staring down at the sandwich hesitantly. After a few moments thought, he begins to tear the crust off when Harry isn't paying attention, too focused on the couple who sit down beside them. He hears Harry begin to retell the story he'd told Liam only a few moments before.

When the sandwich is crust less and looking proper naked, he inspects it once more. His stomach is rumbling but he doesn't have the heart to listen to it, instead listening to his mind and opening the sandwich, peeling the cheese off of the turkey. He thinks this looks a lot better than what it was before.

"I'll have that," he hears from behind him and he nearly drops the square of cheese, his eyes wide in fear that someone was about to call him out. "The cheese, I'll have it," the voice repeats again and Louis looks up, meeting Niall's eyes.

He's quick to nod. "Oh, right, of course," he mumbles and holds the cheese out to Niall, watching with a heavy heart as he sticks it in his mouth with a nod of thanks. He glances over at Harry quickly.

He doesn't notice. Louis thinks this might be an easier secret to keep than his last.

 

 

 

"Just drop me off here, Harry, I can walk," Louis says as Harry slows near the end of his street. Harry rolls his eyes and shakes his head stubbornly.

"Lou, you already insist on catching the bus in the mornings and now you want me to let you walk one block in the cold?" he huffs out as if it's the most unbelievable thing in the world. "It's not like it's going to cost me ten pounds of gas, babe, just let me do this for you," he sighs and continues to drive despite Louis' half-hearted protests.

Louis' hands are shaking by the time Harry's car stops in front of his medium sized house and already he can tell that someone's watching from the window. He prays it's just one of the girls but he knows they aren't home this early.  "Thank you," he lets out quietly and purses his lips as he rearranges the bag in his lap. It feels wrong not to give Harry a kiss goodbye after he's dropped him home. 

"It's whatever," Harry dismisses and waves his hand before leaning forward for a kiss. Louis promptly turns his head to the side, catching Harry's lips on his cheeks.

"Text me," he says quickly and scrambles out of the car without another glance back, throwing his bag over one shoulder. He gives Harry a wave without looking and walks up the driveway, letting out a shaky sigh.

He takes his wellies off and steps into the house.

"Who was that?"

Louis' head snaps up quickly, his bag landing with a thump as he drops it down beside the coat rack. "A friend," he mumbles quietly, trying not to show he cares as he looks up into his stepdads disbelieving eyes. "He's a friend, I swear," he sighs heavily.

"You and your friend look like fucking faggots," Mark says casually and follows Louis when the boy walks over to the stairs. "Look at me when I'm talking to you," he growls and smacks the back of Louis' head, causing him to wince.

Louis stays quiet as he turns, standing on the foot of the stairs and looking down up at the older man. He doesn't say anything when Mark slaps the back of his head again.

"You can fuckin' walk home. Poor boy probably hates driving your fat ass around," he sneers and shakes his head as he looks Louis up and down before turning and walking away. "Your mum will be home soon. She wants your room clean by then."

Louis makes a small noise just to let Mark know he's heard him and then retreats back up the stairs, waiting until he was at the top before reaching back and rubbing at his sore head. He pads into his room and ignores the mess of clothes on the floor, letting out a shaky sigh as he tugs his jumper over his head, turning the fan on to help the heat.

He lies down in the middles of his bed and puts in his earphones, staring down at the cuts on his arms as The Fray play in the background. He uses this opportunity to pick at the scabs forming over the straight lines.

Harry may be his salvation from the cruel kids at school, but there's nothing he can do to protect Louis from himself.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Louis skips first period on Wednesday. 

If not for the fact that he couldn't stand being in the same house as his step-father for another second, then he would probably still be lounging at home in his sweatpants, not worrying what everyone would think about him as he shuffles down the hall. However, typically when your step-father socks you in the eye, you shouldn't be around him any longer. Since Louis' very existence pisses his father off, he's staying out for the rest of the day and probably the night too. He's got a bag full of clothes stuffed in his locker.

He comes in during second period and keeps his head down with his hair covering the left side of his face, wordlessly handing his late slip over to the teacher and trudging in between the desks to his usual seat. He tries not to stumble on the converses peeking out from underneath the desks and lets out a soft sigh when he finally reaches his table, sliding into the seat and dropping his books on the desk with a quiet thump.

"Lou," he hears from beside him, to the right. He has to stop himself from turning away. "Lou," the voice says again, drawing out the word as if Louis would hear him clearer.

"What, Harry?" he mutters quietly and rests his head on his hand, his cheek pressed to the palm of it. "I'm trying to focus," he murmurs and hears a snort at that, which makes him roll his eyes. "I'm serious."

"Yeah, alright," Harry replies nonchalantly and reaches to toy with the hem of Louis' long sweater. He waits a few more minutes before talking again, the disinterest towards the class apparent in his tone. "Where were you this morning? I missed you," he says genuinely, poking his finger through a hole in the sweater.

Louis wants to tell Harry off for that, tell him that they saw each other yesterday but he can't help but smile. "Yeah?" he hums quietly and continues to tilt his head slightly, his eyes focused on the board as his ears drown out the monotonous tone of the teacher.

"Yeah," Harry murmurs. "Missed you," he repeats.

Louis' smile widens a little more. "Missed you too," he shrugs and glances quickly at Harry, seeing the recognition flash in his muddy green eyes before putting his head down again. He wants to curse under his breath but that wouldn't help things anyway, there's no way he could hide the throbbing blue and green tinge to his left eye. "I'm sorry I couldn't hang out for longer, Mark wanted me home early. He and mum went to the pub or something," he raises a hand of dismissal and sinks a little into his chair.

He rests his head on his arm on the table, not glancing over at Harry again to confirm his suspicions that the other boy was staring at him. He sees Harry open his mouth before closing it again, deciding to stay silent for the lesson. He realises he only has a limited amount of time left to make up a reason for why his eye was bruised before Harry would start questioning him. 

He stands when the bell rings and grabs his book and his pen, keeping his head down as he steps away from his desk. He immediately feels a tug on his jumper sleeve where Harry is pulling him, a small frown forming on his face. He's pushed around a little bit as the rest of the students’ barge past but Harry doesn't care, just keeps his grip on Louis' sleeve and rests his chin on his shoulder until there's a clear path for them to walk through. He keeps his grip on Louis' sleeve though, his hand close enough to brush against Louis' as they walk.

"Your face."

"I know."

"Are you -?"

"Yes."

"What -"

"I fell into the wall," he murmurs and furrows his eyebrows a little as he tugs his sleeve away from Harry, the fabric snapping against his skin softly. "Has anyone ever told you how clingy you are?"

Harry snorts. "Yeah. You. Every day," he rolls his eyes and follows Louis down the hall to his locker. "Lou, just stop the jokes for a second please. I'm worried," he lets out quietly and frowns, glancing over at him to try and observe the bruise once more.

Louis waves his free hand at Harry and sighs softly. "I told you. I fell into a wall," he mumbles quietly and put in the combination to his locker, holding his things in between his legs. His knees buckle when someone kicks him from behind and he grabs onto Harry's arm for support, hearing the snickers behind him as he closes his eyes and they get further away from him. He can nearly hear Harry seething behind him as he undoubtedly glares at the group of boys.

"Don't be worried," Louis murmurs softly and shook his head, straightening up again and leaning down to collect his things that had fallen when he was kicked. "Seriously, don't Harry. I'm not in the mood to put up with your constant nagging," he teases softly to ease the mood a little, though it seems not to work as Harry's jaw only clenches tighter. He shakes his head in defeat and shoves his things into his locker, his hand hovering inside before grabbing a small apple and water. 

Harry frowns and watches Louis. "They're still tormenting you," he says roughly and clenches his fists. Louis knows his boyfriend would teach the other boys a lesson if the school wouldn't expel him for it. "Did one of them do this to you? Tell me," he demands quietly.

Louis only wishes it was that simple.

" _No_ , Harry, and if you ask me again then I'll just go to the library for lunch instead of sitting with you lot," Louis warns, and it doesn't seem like that bad of an idea considering the day he's had so far. "You know I'd tell you if one of those idiots touched me, right? So stop with this nonsense, I fell into a wall and that's that," he says as he begins to walk without waiting for Harry to push off of the locker.

Harry follows him soon enough though, and they're silent for a majority of the walk to Harry's locker. "Alright," he gives quietly and glances over at Louis, reaching out and brushing a thumb over the bruise gently. "I love you," he murmurs and Louis nods. "I'll always be here for you." Louis almost laughs.

"Thank you," he murmurs and glances up to Harry briefly before looking to his locker. "Get your lunch then. You're all skin and bones," he says with a small smile and a tone that one could perceive as jealousy.

 

 

 

When Harry and Louis meet up again for their last period, Louis asks him if he can stay over as he plays with the rings on Harry's fingers absentmindedly. They're hidden in between the looming bookshelves in the library with Louis lying in between Harry's legs, his back pressed against Harry's chest. 

"You want to stay over?" he asks incredulously, raising an eyebrow curiously at the smaller boy and tilting his head. "Why? Everything alright at home?" he asks softly and presses his lips to Louis' hair gently. 

Louis nods softly and spins one of Harry's intricately carved rings around his pale finger. "Yeah yeah, of course. It just gets noisy with the girls around, is all," he muses and glances up at Harry for a moment before pressing a kiss to his jaw gently. "I know Gemma's gone back to college, so if your mum doesn't want us to sleep together then I can stay in her old room, right?" he asks hopefully and sucks in his bottom lip.

Harry's thoughtful for a moment and Louis can feel his breath against his hair before he nods against it. 

"Yeah?" Louis asks for confirmation.

"Yeah. Anything you want," Harry replies quietly and pulls his fingers gently away from Louis, wrapping his arms around his waist tightly. "Besides, it'll be nice to be with you for the night. I feel like we haven't spent time with each other in ages," he sighs.

Louis chuckles quietly and turns his head when Harry tucks his chin into his neck. He presses a kiss to Harry's temple. "That's because we haven't other than school," he hums quietly and bites his lip. "My parents are just so dumb, you know? They never let me do anything," he groans quietly. He hears a shushing noise somewhere around them and smiles a little.

"Hey, don't talk bad about your parents. They love you," Harry chastises Louis teasingly, making him wince softly and the words. "What? They do. They feed you and give you a place to live."

Louis nods along like he agrees with what Harry is saying, but he can feel the small lunch he'd had rising in his throat. "Yeah, I know. It was a joke. I love them," he murmurs quietly and nuzzles back into Harry. "Shut up now, okay? We're in a library, dummy," he grins and rests his head against Harry's lips once more to get him to stop talking. Harry smiles against his skin and nods before picking the book back up from Louis' lap.

He opens it to the page they were up to and they read it together, Harry's chin hooked over Louis' shoulder.

 

 

 

"It looks delicious, Anne," Louis says automatically, even though he feels as if there might be something stuck in his throat. He might very well throw up all over Anne and her lovely dining table embellishments as well, and that would be a damn shame.

The creamy white pasta sauce taunts him as he moves the shells around his plate slowly, chewing on the insides of his cheeks and poking his fork slowly through one. He notices Anne and Harry passing looks and stares at them before one of them glance over at Louis and find him staring. It happens to be Harry.

"Mum makes the best pasta," he grins and nods down at Louis, raising his fork before shovelling some shells into his mouth. He's envious of the way Harry can so easily eat like a pig and maintain his skinny figure while Louis literally has to starve himself to see even a tiny fraction of his bloated stomach calm down a little bit. "Try some," he urges and even pokes his fork through more of his own pasta holding it up to Louis' mouth with a chuckle. 

Louis stares down at it, his lips smearing with the salty sauce and his tongue darting out to gently lick it off. He can taste the complimentary blend of ingredients and mentally gives Anne props for cooking such a good tasting dinner. He hesitates a second more before he can't help himself and leans forward, taking the pasta fully into his mouth and chewing slowly. It's heavy on his tongue but it's  _so_ delicious and he barely swallows it down before he stabs his own fork through his pasta, keeping his eyes focused on the pasta as he begins to eat it normally, without counting his chews or spitting it out. 

Harry gives a satisfied chuckle as he watches Louis ravage the dish of pasta hungrily, a small smile on his face. He wraps his arm around the back of Louis' chair and chuckles, keeping conversation with his mum while Louis continues to eat quietly. 

"You're real hungry, dear," Anne points out softly as she glances over to Louis, causing him to look up mid-chew. He glances over at Harry sheepishly, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand nervously and shrugging. Harry comes in and saves him. 

"He didn't have much for lunch," Harry says and just as Louis is about to give him a smile of gratitude, he continues to talk. "In fact, you never have much for lunch. You used to bring lots of food for school," he hums quietly and pokes Louis' cheek curiously.

Louis nods slowly and shrugs once more. "I like giving the snacks to the girls, I'm getting older now so it's not like I need all of those Tiny Teddies," he laughs softly and glances over at Harry. "It makes their day anyway, so. It's not a big deal," he grins at Harry. His pasta is only half finished but he feels so put off by the conversation about him and food that he doesn't feel so hungry anymore. He refrains from smelling the pasta up close of sucking on the fork as he knows he'll ravish the pasta once more. 

Harry and Anne don't seem to notice and they have a quiet little chat about Gemma and how she's doing in college while they eat, so Louis leans back in his chair and plays with the top of his jeans absentmindedly. He can't wait to get out of these; they make him feel squeezed tight and fat and uncomfortable. He'd much rather a pair of Harry’s comfy sweatpants. 

They finish up dinner at eight and Louis helps wash up while Harry sweeps the dining room, scrubbing the pots and pans with a small hum. He can practically feel Anne's eyes on the back of his head, knows that she knows something about what he's doing. Or maybe she just thinks the back of his head in fat. He knows the front looks pretty chubby on its own, but he's never thought of the back.

Thankfully, though, she says nothing and helps Louis put things away in cupboards even though he insists he's fine with doing it. She's just always lovely to him, he supposes. 

Harry comes in after a few moments when Louis is drying his hands on a dishcloth, laughing at something Anne said. He looks like he's ready to go to bed so Louis kisses Anne on the cheek and wanders over to Harry, holding onto his bicep gently and biting his lip.

Once they're in Harry's room, Harry doesn't seem to be able to stop touching Louis. He's playing with the hem of his sweater and then trailing his fingers lower, tucking the tips of them under Louis' jeans. He lets out a shaky sigh and reaches out, gently pushing Harry's hands away. He feels disgusting in his skin as it is, and since he can't purge the pasta up in his boyfriend's house, he doesn't need for it to be worsened by Harry's touching.

The other boy seems to think that Louis had come here to have sex with him and while the idea is very appealing, Louis doesn't feel up to shedding his clothes and baring his scarred and ugly body to someone who he doesn't want to lose. He doesn't want to scare him away.

Harry looks a little bit hurt when Louis plucks out his own sweater and one of Harry's sweatpants and goes into the bathroom to get changed. Louis ignores it though and gets changed, his back facing the mirror the entire time as he got changed. While he's in there he brushes his teeth and splashes water over his face, sighing shakily before leaving and crawling into the bed. He cuddles up to Harry.

"You pushed me away," he hears Harry say with what sounds like a pout. He doesn't look up to see, instead reaching over and flipping the light switch before snuggling back to Harry.

"I don't want to have sex."

"I thought that's -"

"I didn't come here for sex."

"Right," Harry says, and he sounds a little bit embarrassed in the darkness. A little bit angry, too, if Louis may say so himself. He shifts a little bit and he almost thinks Harry's going to shove him away. "There's something different about you."

"Yeah, I put on ten pounds since summer break started," Louis rolls his eyes and Harry groans.

"You're ridiculous. When did you get so obsessed about this?" Harry mutters like he really doesn't understand.

Louis sighs and rests his head into Harry's neck. "It's a joke, fuck," he says unconvincingly. "Goodnight," he mumbles.

"Goodnight," Harry says reluctantly. "I love you."

Louis' silent. He's grateful he has Harry there with him to hold him through it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiiiii, thanks everyone for reading and all of the people who left kudos, it means a lot to me! :) I hope you like it so far and if you have anything you'd like me to improve about it, just leave me a message. Enjoy xx


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